


Immunity

by RelaxedReady



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Comedy, Dark Comedy, F/M, Hilarious, Late Night Conversations, Microfic, Surprise Ending, Worth It, Worth Re-Reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 16:38:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8998621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RelaxedReady/pseuds/RelaxedReady
Summary: Mass Effect micro-fic.  Garrus tells Joker, of all humans, about his sexual frustrations - Jeff is almost helpful.





	

Joker blurted, in disbelief. “Your cuttle-dick is toxic!” 

Garrus shielded his eyes from a nosey barkeep, who awkwardly spilled some liquid while pouring a drink. A full glass came into the turian’s view and the barkeep said, backing away slowly, “This one’s on the house.” 

Garrus threw his fringe back. The glass clunked, empty again, on the bar's galvanized metal. He clarified for the human, who was a few cards short of a full deck. “It’s not the gun that kills humans, it’s the bullets.” Mandible pursed into a hard line, annoyed by the drunken loudmouth, he shook his crown, “I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”

Joker finally stopped slapping knee and wiped his eyes. “This is great. You have to tell me more.” Waving for another round. “I’m buying.”

“I’m glad my misery is such grand entertainment.” He needed another shot of the clear stuff, stupidly asking, “What am I going to do?”

Jeff blew the air threw his lips, and offered a raised eyebrow, along with a cup. “Use a condom?”

His talons drummed on the glass and he said, absently, “Perfect.” Finding one his size, in deep space, would prove difficult. “That will correct all my problems.”

“Well, yeah. You just need to prevent the hostiles from entering the LZ.” The comedian slurped his cocktail. “Or, do you know anyone who can to create some kind of hi-tech-sex-barrier?” The man made a strange gesture, pointing into the opposing fist.

“I don’t need your help and don’t talk about Shepard that way.”

“But, you said bullets…” Joker implored the Spirits, palms raised.

One talon pushed into the chest of the human. “Don’t.”

“Okay, okay, what about if you built up her immunity?”

“What?” Garrus asked.

“Give the Commander small doses of your love, over a period of time, and see what happens.”

Garrus had drank enough to ask, “How?”

“Shit, I dunno.” Joker flashed a grin. “Does she take cream in her coffee?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated :D 
> 
> If you liked this, I have some other works that you might like, too!


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